Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I need to calm my uterus...
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