And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
