You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
