She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
