A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
