i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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