U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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