I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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