It was confusing and full of hummus
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
