If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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