This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
