apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
