i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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