My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
