Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
