I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
