i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
