how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
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...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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