I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
