you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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