The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
