Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
