Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
