Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
