i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
