The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
