I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
