when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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