Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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