I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
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his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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