So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
