Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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