My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
