This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
