So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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