i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
