Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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