I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
