I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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