the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
