He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Randomize
