speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
