Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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