the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
