i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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