i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
