I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're earring is so big in my mouth
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
