Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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