I wish I could teleport
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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