I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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