P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
