i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
