I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
