All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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