the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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