At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
soo... how was my night?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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