I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
