yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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