You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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