pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Pants are for mortals
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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